i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
