I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
