3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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