It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
