I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
