Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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