just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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