Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
