Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my sisters under your porch take her home
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize