how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
