Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
