i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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