she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
