my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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