I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
