why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The power of my boobs compel you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
