I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
