At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize