It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
