don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
