Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
