dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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