Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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