Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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