Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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