Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
