I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
