I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
