Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's the barista slut.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your cock deserves a montage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
