whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
