Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
