Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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