as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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