I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
