I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
