He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think my tv is drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
