Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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