I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my being single is dangerous.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize