nut hugger
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
