Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
