I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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