yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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