I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My ass is underappreciated
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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