I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
