best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
