Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
