I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
