dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hello my rib-scented angel!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
