is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
