I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize