I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
