I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
