Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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