apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
