he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
