Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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