dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is wine microwaveable?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
