Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize