At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
