this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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