chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
