You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
