Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
