Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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