so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
