trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
