he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
