I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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