i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
