Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
