Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize